Who Is Remus Lupin?
by Chick Flicks- Rock 'N' Roll
Summary: Remus's seventh year is full of laughs, love, and discovering who you really are. trust me, it's a lot better than it sounds. Possible slash to come.
1. The Beginning of The End

His seventh and final year. A final chance to prove himself, a chance to change, a chance to fix what had gone wrong. Mostly, a chance to discover who he really was. Remus Lupin was entering his final year at Hogwarts.

Remus had always been an accomplished student, as it was merely expected of him. He refused to disappoint his parents, any further in his opinion. Remus had felt like a failure since the day he was bitten and did not want to let down his parents who had so acceptingly raised him. Not many people were willing to risk living in tight quarters with and handling the everyday stress of lycanthropy. Only his parents, Dumbledore, and his four closest friends had risen to the challenge.

When Remus had entered Hogwarts at the tender age of eleven, he had no idea what he was getting into. After seeing his father pull a few tricks when his naive mother wasn't looking, Remus had no idea what he was actually capable of. He had come to school and focused all of his attention into his studies, trying to absorb every ounce of it, he was not the most popular boy in his year. It was only when he helped the conceited Sirius Black with a prank. Sirius, casting an acne spell on Severus, almost used the wrong wand movements, nearly resulting in casting the hex on himself. At this point, the original three Marauders found that Remus was a well needed asset to their mischievous team, and soon learned that he was as loyal as he was smart.

By third year, the Marauders had pulled more pranks than any professor could attempt to count, and thanks to Remus, they had only been caught in the act once (and that was Peter's fault, obviously). Since he had joined the group of boys, Remus had found a special connection with Sirius. He was the first Marauder he had ever made contact with and the one he found most trust worthy. This was odd, seeing how Sirius had one of the biggest mouths in not only the Gryffindor house, but the entire year. Nonetheless, Remus was a shy boy with many bottled up feelings and secrets, and felt balanced by the spunky attitude of his dearest companion Sirius.

Now that they were going into their final year, Remus felt that he had so much left to do. Similar to the end of any phase in our life, Remus felt incomplete with his work at Hogwarts. He had already read every textbook for this year and had finished every book on the Dark Arts in the library, including the ones in the Restricted Section (thank you invisibility cloak). Sure he was an amazing student, a loyal friend, and a dedicated prankster, but Remus had never really socialized, especially not with girls. Being so diligent in his studies, he rarely had time to date, or for that matter even flirt.

This is not to say that Remus is a prude, sheltered, virgin boy. He is a Marauder after-all! He had had his fair share of experiences with Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle, and several chaste kisses in broom closets, but Remus had not felt the need to get in an involved relationship at such a young and vulnerable age. He had a short fling with sixth year Alice Tanner in fourth year, but by the winter holidays she had found a boy her own age, Frank Longbottom (apparently they are now engaged). Remus was not particularly hurt, but the other Marauders tend to bring the situation up as the reason why their dear friend Moony won't date. They all know this isn't near the truth, but it's better not to bring up a person's inalterable traits.

It was the third week of third year and James had already asked out Lily Evans seven times, Sirius had dumped two girls and been slapped by one, and Peter was as solitary as ever. Remus had been observing the boy's dating lives since he was twelve, trying as hard as he could to figure out what made them go through girls so quickly. To Remus the mystery of James' and Sirius' dating lives was as complicated as brewing Draught of the Living Dead, which mind you is a complicated potion. It was quite obvious why Peter never had a girlfriend, but Remus just couldn't comprehend why Sirius couldn't keep a girlfriend for more than two weeks. He was such a sweet and caring person when he wanted to be, so comforting, but when it came to girls, Sirius only cared about himself and his desires.

As they all sat around their bedroom, Remus observed the room. Peter was pulling Pumpkin Pasties from under his mattress, James was flipping through a book on love potions looking frighteningly puzzled, and Sirius laid on the bed, hands behind his head, eyes shut, breathing slowly than quickly. Remus knew exactly what this meant. Sirius was trying to think of a way, once again, to control his feelings. The problem with being a compulsive dater like Sirius is that the girls you date tend to be air-headed and frustrating. Remus seemed to be the only one who noticed Sirius actually had a heart and that he had real feelings somewhere in that thick little head of his.

"Sirius..." he tried in a calm voice, but it received no acknowledgment. "Siri, come on man, what's the matter?" Remus tried more assertively, but with his same soothing voice he always had towards his best mate.

"It's nothing mate, really. Just Matilda being thick and not understanding that the Marauders will always come first. I hate broads who think they deserve my undivided attention. Do they not understand that I have a life of my own, isn't that why they like me? They just can't seem to get it through their thick golden locks that my friends are far more important." Sirius said all in one breath, then exhaling quickly after it all.

"I'm sorry Sirius, I know there's not much I can say to help, but if she's not making you happy and is only burdening you with stress, which is obvious, then you should let her go. Just take a break for a while and watch girls so that you can find the one that suits you best" Remus said, trying to console his friend who went through this dilemma several times a month. Sirius' dames were more frequent than Moony's furry little problem, and proved to be more problematic.

"Thanks mate. Though I don't know if I could stay away from girl's long enough to observe, I mean come on I'm 17 and in the prime of my youth! But I'll try." Sirius was so expressive with his hand movements. Remus couldn't believe he had been nearly sleeping only a minute ago and now looked as if were hyped up on all the sweets under Peter's bed.

"No problem Siri. Oh and by the way, this one's name is Melanie. Matilda was two back." Remus reminded before he lazily plopped himself on his own bed, threw his shirt to the ground, and assumed the same position Sirius had mere moments ago. It was so hot this time of year and being seventh years they had the highest rooms of the Gryffindor boys, having the hottest room.

"Oh shove off Moony!" Sirius joked and playfully chucked a pillow at Remus' head, then closed his bed hangings.

The boys spent the rest of the room sprawled out on their beds occasionally discussing girls or their Transfiguration essay. It was a wonderful Sunday for everyone, knowing that this coming Thursday they all had to help with Moony's transformation. It was good to relax.


	2. A Rough Night

Author's Note/DIsclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, JKR does. Anything in Italics is thought, as usual. Hope you all enjoy, and please review.

The week had started out like any other week. Massive homework loads for the lot of the Marauders. Remus was still displeased that he had to drop four courses due to Albus Dumbledore, who had made the wise decision in telling Remus he could not take History of Magic, Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, Herbology, Muggle Studies, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Ancient Runes, Care of Magical Creatures, Astronomy, and

Divination. Remus had to come to accept that he couldn't possibly pull off the grades he wanted in eleven classes, so seven would have to suffice. All of his mates were taking five courses a piece and barely had any time to socialize. None of them understood

Remus' need to focus so much on schoolwork. They tried as much as possible, but no one could really relate to him.

So on this quiet Wednesday evening, Remus found it suitable to go and relax in the privacy of the Room of Requirement, where he could wish himself pain killers and sleeping pills and go out for the night. Remus always did this the night before and night after his transformations, that was if the Room of Requirement wasn't occupied by some randy fourth years gits making out in his relaxation spot. As he trudged down the hallway, trying to forget the long day he had and the essays he had to finish by Monday, Remus watched his feet as the mindlessly carried himself to his

destination.

As Remus wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention to his surroundings, he nearly ran into Slytherin Clarence Zabini and his foul girlfriend Louise Perkins. He continued to carry himself to salvation when all of a sudden his mind went hazy and he felt his knees weakening. Remus continued to walk but now stumbling and fell into a familiar pair of arms as he topple down to the ground.

"Remus! Oh good god are you okay?" Sirius fell into caring mode within milliseconds and bent down to the ground getting a better grip on his best friends body and carried him in his arms to the Room of Requirement as quickly as possible. Sadly for Sirius, carrying around dead weight is hard, but luckily Quidditch had paid off. As soon as he had imagined a room full of remedies and a place for Remus to sleep he rushed into the room and laid his dear friend on the bed in a much less hurried fashion.

"O Merlin! Moony? Remmy? Remmy?" Sirius seemed to be begging with his choked pleas, but Remus was not waking up from his unconscious state so easily. "Jesus, Remus John Lupin don't you dare do this to me! I love you and am not letting you just leave me like this god dammit!" Sirius fell to his knees next to the bed and leaned his forehead on the edge of the mattress.

Luckily, Sirius' wish for remedies in the room was granted, and a small vile of smelling salts appeared on the night-stand next to him. He quickly pulled the stopper from the top and waved the salts under his nostrils. Because of Remus' current "time-of-the-month", his sense of smell was heightened and he immediately jolted up from the bed.

"Remmy! Oh thank god! You're ok!" Sirius came near shouting, so ecstatic that his friend hadn't died or gone onto a coma.

"Siri, my head hurts. Can you get me some..." Remus paused for a moment, rubbing his forehead with his hands. His hands said so much about him. They were thin and pale, just like Remus. As much as he went outside, he could not keep a tan. There were scars all over them, especially his bony knuckles. And to top it all off, he had nails that were a bit too long and sharp. It all said so much about Remus, and only Sirius seemed to notice that. "some, some aspirin."

Without even speaking, Sirius hand his sickly looking friend a glass of water and several pills. Sirius had been so afraid, watching over a friend, not knowing if they would get better. If possible, Remus had looked paler than usual and Sirius just could not handle losing someone else he loved.

"Thanks mate." Remus croaked, after gulping three massive pills. "I think I am going to put head down and try to get some rest." Sirius, turned and gave Remus the most motherly look he could muster. "Don't worry mate, you've seen me, I'm alright, but I'm just

a bit..." Remus over exaggerated a yawn "a bit tired" he finished.

"Moony, are you sure you are ok? Do you need anything?" Sirius was only trying to help, but Remus had already flipped onto his side and was knocked out, in a much more peaceful way. Sirius was glad to see his friend was alright, but he still wasn't sure. After what felt like hours of just watching Remus sleep and looking around the room, Sirius imagined a book on helping lycanthropes, and it appeared in his hands. He tried hopping on the bed as daintily as possible, as to not wake Remus up, but he seemed to

cause too much movement, and the tawny haired boy switched sleeping positions.

The night passed on, and both boys had passed out of exhaustion on the large bed. As the castle had calmed down, and the Forbidden Forrest had even gone quiet, Remus rose from his bed and rubbed his eyes groggily. He stretched out his long arms and yawned. Noticing how hot the room was, he peeled his shirt from his chest and back, unbuttoning as quickly as humanly

possible. He was drenched in a cold sweat. Trying to push it to the back of his mind, Remus could not forget the recurring dream he had just relived.

Every time Remus was entering his transformation he had terrible visions in his sleep of scratching and hurting Sirius so badly, or at least Padfoot. Every time he dreamt this, Sirius died, and Remus never got to say goodbye, that was what hurt himself the most. The moment of the dream that stuck in his mind for

days at a time, was himself watching the funeral from the Forbidden Forrest, in shame, away from everyone else. He had never told anyone about his nightmares, because no one would understand how painful it was for him .He couldn't control himself under the full moon and he was so worried he would hurt his friends. Remus was grateful for their company and help, but it was so nerve-racking, thinking that he could easily kill any

of them with a few strikes.

Remus had closed his eyes, even though he was sitting straight up, and while he was taking in the silence around him, he could hear the delicate steady breathing of another. He turned his head and noticed Sirius asleep on his back with a book opened out on his chest. "Curing the Itch" was a book Remus had heard about. It was written a few decades back by Simon Lovegood, an opinionated "researcher" who claimed to have curing abilities. His grandson Louis had graduated last year, and was pursuing a similar

career. Remus knew that none of his writing could be taken seriously, but admired Sirius for caring enough.

_" Look at his hair. It's always a mess when he's sleeping, all the silky black hair puddled around his face. He looks so peaceful, just laying there."_ Remus thought. He couldn't see his eyes right now, but he loved the deep piercing blue of those sparkling orbs, they seemed to hold a thousand mysteries of a misunderstood boy.

_"Even in his sleep that little devil is smirking at me. There is nothing that shows Sirius' personality more than his lips. He usually has this devious smirk plastered on his face, his lips_

_curved up ever so slightly. He has a wide open laugh and when he's just trying to talk he puts on his "Serious Sirius" face, as he calls it. A little somber, but real enough to believe. Why am I thinking about my best mate's lips. They are just like anyone else's!"_ His mind had to butt in at this point.

_"They are not the same as James' or Peter's or any girl you've met and you know it! You love how expressive he is and that only you can see it. Admit it."_ Remus wasn't used to getting in arguments in his own head, but this was one worth fighting.

_"Don't kid yourself, I mean myself. Though I do love that smile..." his glances fell back to Sirius' face and then down neck, when he figured that Sirius must have been too warm as well, seeing as he didn't have a shirt on. "His chest is so perfect. He has a little muscle, toned just enough. His skin is sun kissed and honey colored and so smooth. He's so lucky not to be covered in scars. He isn't some sickly milk colored boy with scratches all across his chest and back. I envy that." _Remus had been jealous of Sirius' looks before but had never thought about it like this before, in so much detail. _"He doesn't have the same ripped abs like James, no he's perfect the way he is. Look at the way his little maroon boxers peek out right above his wrinkled dress pants. No one else can pull it off like Siri can."_

Remus found himself tracing every bit of Sirius thathe was thinking about, with his fingernails. He couldn't help but admire the boy, no the man, laying in front of him. Not only was he a gorgeous man , but an amazing friend who had always stuck by Remus' side. They did seem to spend more time together than the rest of the Marauders did. Remus had always found Sirius more intriguing, though his friends were all great people, Sirius had some sort of magnetic attraction that Remus was so helplessly drawn to.

"I love you Siri" he whispered, not even sure what he was saying.

_"I...I...I love Sirius?It can't be, I mean he is my best mate and all. That's it, he is just the best friend any one could ask for. But I do tend to watch him doing his homework, or in class, or during lunch. But that must just be me checking up on him. You have to keep an eye on a boy like Sirius, never know what kind of trouble he'll get into." _Remus wasn't making much sense and didn't understand what was going through his mind, but his heart knew what it wanted, pushing Remus closer to the face of sleeping Padfoot. He neared him more and more, so close that he could

feel the heat of his breath grazing right over his own

face.

_"I can't kiss him, especially not when he's sleeping. But he looks so..."_

_"You know you want to. It's what you've wanted since you were a small boy and you want it even more now. He's irresistible and you can't deny it._" Remus' mind seemed to be getting caught up with itself again and he slowly followed his instincts, going in to kiss Sirius. As he got within millimeters, Remus tilted his head and kissed Sirius on the cheek. _"When I do kiss him for the first time, I want him to be awake, I want him to feel it, I want him to want it." _Remus had his mind made up.

He fell back to the wrinkled sheets and laid down next to Sirius, and spent the night watching him until he finally dozed into a deep sleep. It was the first time he didn't have his nightmare before a transformation.


	3. The Girls Vs Remus

Author's Note: I have read Deathly Hallows, actually I have read the whole series and am sad to admit that there are no hints toward this ship in it. Thank you for the world you have created J.K. Rowling, but this is one of my imaginations greatest desires.

Remus walked through the barren halls of Hogwarts nights later, knowing that he would be alone at this hour. Not even Prefects would be running around looking for students out of bed, and he had a special connection with Filch's trouble-detecting kitten, Mrs. Norris, there was no chance he would get caught.

As he traipsed through the halls, he couldn't help but think of Sirius. Every time he tried to get Sirius' glistening lips out of his head, he ran a thin hand through his soft sandy hair. He couldn't get those thoughts out, there wasn't a chance he could be with Sirius and his mind seemed to think this was the perfect way to torture him.

Images of scantily clad Sirius danced throughout his mind and at the most inappropriate moments. Remus had been sitting in Ancient Runes and all of a sudden the idea of Sirius feeding him his monthly potion popped into his mind. When Remus sat at lunch with the rest of the Marauders and the idea of Sirius at quidditch practice with the wind in his hair ran through Remus' mind, tensing up the stomach that should be full of food and not the feelings he had.

There was no way that Remus could figure out to get this out of his mind. He couldn't tell anyone because he himself had still not gotten over the fact that he was mildly attracted, okay severely attracted, to his best friend. He was also afraid no one would understand he actually did love Sirius for who he is. Nearly every simple-minded girl that walked the halls of Hogwarts had an infatuation with Sirius Black and Remus couldn't blame them, but he also knew that none of them had a clue about the real Sirius. None of these Black-loving girls knew that Sirius was brave enough to sit with Sirius during the moments of his transformation, while the others watched from the other side of the room. None of these girls knew that Sirius was full of love that he only showed to the ones truly worthy of it, that he was really fragile but put on a brave face for the judging eyes around him.

No girl could ever love Sirius the way Remus did. Never mind that, nobody could ever love him with the same passion. Remus had only recently figured out that he was in love with his best mate, but he knew that no matter what, this is what he wanted, Sirius was who he wanted. Remus' whole life he had been told that he was special and unique, that there was nothing about him to be ashamed about, but this wasn't true. Remus knew he was special and unique because he was the only one who could ever love Sirius for who he really is, but he is ashamed, he has to be ashamed, because he knows how much he loves Sirius, but he hasn't told him.

Sorry it's short but I just finished Deathly Hallows and I am writing a Ron Hermione story and I am determined to make that one work. When more inspiration comes to me on this story, I will continue.


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